Jess's, Mostly Art, Blog

Art Attempts FTW

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Please watch the video that goes with this picture! It would mean the world to me!Video - TBA If it decides to actually upload on YoutubeI usually draw happy/bright art, so this is a new type of picture from me.I don’t like drawing vent art, let alone posting the ones that I do draw. But, today has been a very big day for me, so I needed to draw this.My whole life I have suffered with mild depression. I have always put up a strong front, and looked happy, but underneath I’ve never been completely normal. I have finally told my parents exactly how I feel because I just couldn’t hold it in anymore, and I was having suicidal thoughts. It was scaring me, and I didn’t know what to do.My little self-worth came from elementary school where I was emotionally bullied, and told that I wasn’t needed and nobody really cared if I existed or not. I was told that I should never talk because it didn’t matter what I said anyway, because nobody listened. Now, don’t worry. I never would’ve acted on my suicidal thoughts, but I was worried that eventually I might, and it would be very hypocritical of me to commit suicide when I was strong telling one of my best friends to not even think about it. So I caved in and told my parents. I feel a lot more calm, and less stressed since I’ve done that, and I’ve taken my first step forward to becoming truly happy.

Please watch the video that goes with this picture! It would mean the world to me!

Video - TBA If it decides to actually upload on Youtube

I usually draw happy/bright art, so this is a new type of picture from me.

I don’t like drawing vent art, let alone posting the ones that I do draw. But, today has been a very big day for me, so I needed to draw this.

My whole life I have suffered with mild depression. I have always put up a strong front, and looked happy, but underneath I’ve never been completely normal. I have finally told my parents exactly how I feel because I just couldn’t hold it in anymore, and I was having suicidal thoughts. It was scaring me, and I didn’t know what to do.

My little self-worth came from elementary school where I was emotionally bullied, and told that I wasn’t needed and nobody really cared if I existed or not. I was told that I should never talk because it didn’t matter what I said anyway, because nobody listened. 

Now, don’t worry. I never would’ve acted on my suicidal thoughts, but I was worried that eventually I might, and it would be very hypocritical of me to commit suicide when I was strong telling one of my best friends to not even think about it. So I caved in and told my parents. I feel a lot more calm, and less stressed since I’ve done that, and I’ve taken my first step forward to becoming truly happy.

Filed under Nino Umaka NSFW not safe for work depression digital art artnstuff vent art IRL IRL Jess jess jessica

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Am I the only one who…???

**Possible Spoiler Alert**

…..Wanted Brago to become king? Am I the only one?

Let’s take a little trip back to 2006 shall we? While Zatch Bell was on Toonami still. Remember all those memories? Well, let me bring them back.

So, I’m re-reading the Zatch Bell manga….again….and I just had to read the 3rd to last chapter. Every frickin’ time I get so upset and you want to know why? Because I want Brago and Sherry to win, every single frickin’ time. I had always wanted Brago become the king of the mamodo world. Ever since we saw his smug little face. Every time he takes Sherry’s hand and she starts crying a little piece of me dies, Not literally, and I watch as my favorite character resigns himself, and he just knows he has lost, but he’s okay with it. Then, I just stop reading….okay I finish the series since there’s only like….1 1/2 chapters left. But you get my point. My drive for the series ends because I was always, and still wanted Brago to become king.

We all knew that Zatch was going to become king. Since the very first page. That’s just the type of series it is, but we all still hold out hope that maybe the unexpected will happen, and someone who isn’t the main character will come up, win at the last minute. Maybe Ponygon, or Tia, just someone other than the main character for once? 

Zatch and Kiyo are great and all, and I really got attached to them. But, I will always feel, and always think that Brago would’ve made an amazing king. Even better than Zatch honestly. But, that’s just me. Am I the only one? Maybe it’s my American side of me that never wants the main character of hardly anything to succeed, or it could just be me. I have a weird hatred for main characters. I don’t really know, but who cares.

My point through this whole ramble is that I wanted Brago to win. Really, really, really, REALLY, badly, and it still bothers me to this day. 

That’s why I like the ending to the anime. It shows Brago and Zatch about to battle, but the credits start rolling as soon as each goes to attack. Yes, it left it at a giant cliff hanger and a lot of people hated it. But, to me, who still hadn’t finished the manga, loved it. It left my mind open to the possibility that Brago might’ve won. It gives me closure. 

And….that’s that. Sorry for the rant, but I really needed to get that off my chest.

Zatch, so help me. You better have used your kingly powers to let everyone stay in contact with their human partners. You owe Kiyo that much. Just because I didn’t want you to become king, doesn’t mean that I didn’t like Kiyo. He’s my second favorite character in you series boy, and everyone deserves to keep in contact with everyone else. 

Filed under Nino Umaka rants Zatch Bell Konjiki no gash Bell randomthoughtsnstuff rage post brago Sherry spoilers Well...possible spoilers I don't know how far people have gotten in this series I REALLY wanted Brago to become king You have NO idea

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I’m Not Single Anymore???

So, I go out to dinner with one of my best friends I’ve known since high school. So, 6 years? On the way back to town he really awkwardly, but super cutely asks me how I feel about him, ‘kay? So I said I was very open minded about where our relationship could go. Therefore he asks if we should date officially. I didn’t even know we were not officially dating. And I said yes.

I haven’t completely wrapped my head around this yet. I’ll probably wake up tomorrow and realize what has happened. But, I haven’t even decided if I’ll be able to come to like him how he likes me. I’ll say it now. I love him a lot as a friend, but I’m not positive about past that. My mind has been reeling since I got home. Yeah…

I was perfectly comfortable being single, and trying to get my life back together. This was probably the worst time for be to be in a relationship actually. But, I guess I’ll see where this goes.

So, there it is. How did any of you feel when you got into your first relationship? I would love to know!

~Jess~

Filed under Nino Umaka RL Jess in real life Dating Opinions Please? randomthoughtsnstuff